11.02.2010

Thank you for reminding me that I live in Los Angeles


Normally Los Angeles is just the city in which I live. No big whoop. There's traffic. There's errands. There's going home to spend time with the family. And I tend to believe that maybe 70% of the California/LA stereotypes are complete bullshit. I've met plenty of Republicans out here. The entire city isn't coked out of their minds. And really, honestly, LA is like one big meat-eating cigarette.

There aren't really many hippies -- unless by "hippie," you mean "pot head." And then yeah, that one is dead on. Most of the city smells like my sophomore Spring dorm room. It's ridiculous. And while there are celebrities (clearly), it's not a giant walking US Weekly around here. Unless star-fucking is your life, and you're super eyes-peeled while grocery shopping or walking around town (and most of us who've been here for more than one month aren't), then it's just a city with too many people. One asshole chick with blonde hair and giant sunglasses who can barely drive her Mercedes is just like the next.

BUT. Every once in a while, there's one of those things that comes along and reminds you that you live in Los Angeles.

On Halloween, my wife and I took our little tater tot out to the Grove for their Halloween hullabaloo. It was his first Halloween. He didn't care all that much, but we were pretty excited and we put him in his little tiger costume anyway. So we trotted on down to the Grove, the place of all things babies, privileged teenagers, and Farmers Market. There were all sorts of kids (and some parents) in costumes. They had hay stacks and Halloween paraphernalia set up in the little lawn area by Nordstrom, and some pudgy dude in what I remember, at least, as a football jersey was awkwardly trying to keep the kids (and some parents) revved up. There was some kind of line dancing (don't ask me why), and then they brought out the never-die Village People for a round of YMCA. There was even a creepy guy, who I think was supposed to be dressed as one of the Jabberwocky dance crew, who was staring at everyone. So it was a standard festive event at the Grove.

The event itself possessed a bit more bounce and confusion because Justin Bieber was at the Barnes & Noble signing copies of his book. Apparently he has a book; which did explain the hordes of teenage girls who, on second look, weren't in costume as much as they were teenage girls dressed up for Bieber.

And then there were the shoppers who picked the worst day to just randomly show up at the Grove on a Sunday.

So, thinking that was it, my wife and I were circling around the little drive walkway (the Grove was Trolley-free that day) and trying to avoid the hysteria. My wife had taken oodles of photos of the tater tot on the hay stacks. (Mothers are inexplicably drawn to photo opportunities when hay stacks are involved. I found it best to simply stand aside and let it run its course.) But there we were, trying to work out way back out the way we'd come, admiring the other costumed tots as we went.

And then we walked past Abercrombie & Fitch. As pointless and past its prime as this store seems to be, it never seemed as much as that day. Apparently they wanted to drum up interest by joining in the festivities. Take that B&N.

Abercrombie had two of its models in the entryway to the store and they were taking pictures with the kids. OK. That would be fine if they were dressed up as Abercrombie-dressed scarecrows or something. But, as you've already seen the pic above, they were just Abercrombie models. And the dude was, as is Abercrombie models' want, shirtless. Taking pictures with kids.

I swear to God, only in LA would you find shirtless Abercrombie models taking pictures with kids on a family holiday event at a shopping mall. I couldn't help taking a picture of it, as creepy as that made me feel. I had to share.

So it made me wonder. I've always avoided places like The Grove on holidays in the past. What do they do on other festive days? Do sexy pilgrims give out lap dances with every turkey at the Farmers Market? Do inappropriately dressed little girls do YouTube-esque dances to "All I Want For Christmas Is You" at The American Girl Store for Christmas?

Only in Los Angeles.

ps. I bet more people got their pictures with the Abercrombie models than vote in todays elections. Just sayin'.

1 comment:

Josh said...

Awesome. This is like the sexy Santa story they did on the news a few years ago.