The 13 things I learned by watching American Horror Story

(or the half I made it through)

1. Melissa & Joey isn’t the scariest thing on TV.
2. Black Swan single-handedly reduced our culture’s sexual IQ to that of a dim 14-year-old boy.
3. All-white LA schools are vicious!
4. Once you’ve read The Shining, there’s apparently no turning back.
5. Ryan Murphy has clearly never slept with a woman – and the idea gives him the heebie jeebies.
6. 16-year-olds should not have the final say when buying property.
7. It’s always a good idea to work from home.
8. I miss Tootsie-era Jessica Lange.
9. Maid outfits are sexy. (This one is funny, and yet true.)
10. Moving to LA will kill you. (Again, funny, and yet true.)
11. You don’t need characters when you have atmosphere and leather body suits.
12. Vera Farmiga is apparently younger than I thought she was. I could have sworn that was her daughter, not her younger sister. Nepotism is complicated.
13. Twins!

Ps. Alexandra Breckenridge is still worth watching.

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