Dear Near-Future Me

Dear Near-Future Me,

Please heed the following:

  • When generic Chinese cookie fortunes are making you think about your priorities, you really need to get your shit together.  

  • When you're up late working and, after finishing, you decide it's a good idea to reorganize your desk or watch crappy TV, go to bed.  YOU NEED MORE SLEEP. 
  • You know you’re getting older when your son’s xmas list is so much more fun than yours. I mean, really, check out this sweet race car complete with a flatbed truck! (And it's green, made out of recycled plastic milk containers!)

    • When you go for a run and you’re too out of it to notice a raised slab of sidewalk and you trip and fall and roll into the street and bang up your knee and elbow, gouge your hands, hurt your ribs, and possibly strain your thumb, then YOU NEEED MORE SLEEP.  
    • As of late, you’ve apparently been very susceptible to catchy pop and hip hop music. You’ve been listening to T Pain and Ninjas in Paris wayyyyy too much. And this: 

    I’m starting to worry about you.

    • Past You was so completely right about avoiding Tree of Life when it was in the theaters. Present You was a ho bag for watching it. That two hours could have been better spent doing ANYTHING else. Spending time with your wife, writing, building a paper clip replica of Captain Mal Reynolds, writing, self abuse, seeing how far your could surf your son’s Stride To Ride Dino across the apartment, gorging yourself on Goldfish crackers – any of these would have been perfectly acceptable. Oh, and YOU NEED MORE SLEEP.

    ps.  Seriously, you should have bailed on that movie when the dinosaurs showed up.  

      1 comment:

      Zelig Skykiller said...

      dear near-future-adam,

      also, don't forget to give 25 ALL YOUR MONEY!!!!!